


You Brought Home A Fishchild, Dammit

by batterwitch_dumb_basses



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Merstuck, Multi, baby eridan, don't adopt a baby fishchild if you can't handle it, eridan is e'dan, john u nerd, merstuck amporas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-11 08:51:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3321314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batterwitch_dumb_basses/pseuds/batterwitch_dumb_basses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John finds a merchild on the beach, and brings it home, unwittingly causing all sorts of trouble as the baby's family try to retrieve it/ fall in love with the cute boy in the red sweater from the human town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

John sighed as he made his way over the rocks on the big sandy beach, one bucket in hand. He'd been hoping to find some nice seashells, but it looked like that wasn't to be the case, and he'd really come down here to think about a few things - notably the fact that he'd lost a fight with Meenah Peixes, which hadn't exactly been good for his ego. Karkat had followed him afterwards, which was actually a nice thing, but he'd stayed up at John's house as John came down to the beach.  
Clambering over a few of the sharper, bigger rocks to get to the rock pool which the sea flowed into, he was surprised to see something about the size of his forearm curled up in it, and climbed onto the rock nearest it to take a look.  
It moved, and he yelped in surprise as he got a good look at it.  
It looked very much like a baby mermaid, actually.  
An actual mermaid? Or was that merdude, considering it might be a guy? He shook his head as the creature looked up at him with big purple eyes, blinking as it made a little lost sound, those purple eyes welling with tears. John's heart felt like it was melting, and he reached to pick it up. It clung to him and cuddled into him, seemingly at ease, and he chuckled as he hugged it. Wow! It was adorable....It had little wavy horns and a splash of purple in otherwise dark hair, which looked honestly really cute. It snuggled into him, and he looked around.  
Okay, so looking at this situation, and where the adorable baby was, it had probably swum in from the sea, and gotten lost. He could put it back in the sea, but...but it was so tiny, and it trusted him so easily, and it was adorable. It wouldn't be safe on its own in the sea.  
Plus he now had something cool to show Karkat. Like, really cool.  
"Hey, little guy? What's your name?" he asked, and it blinked at him, before smiling.  
"E'dan."  
He d'awwwwed then and there, because that was adorable, this little merdude could talk and he sounded so cute. E'dan was a pretty weird name, but it wasn't too weird....Just difficult to remember.  
"I'll call you Danny, for short then. How about that?"  
He waited for a response before he realised that the little merdude had fallen asleep, and began to make his way back over the rocks. This was certainly a lot cooler than any seashell...He couldn't wait to show Karkat!

 

Karkat looked up from sitting on the sofa and watching Men In Black 3 on John's own laptop (yeah, you could from here count the fucks he gave that it wasn't his own) to look up as John rushed past him and up the stairs.  
"Fine, don't say hello in any form of fucking social greeting considered normal, asshole!" he shouted up after him, only hearing that specific prankster's giggle that set all his nerves on a wary edge. That was not a good sign.  
"Beep beep meow..." John singsonged from the top of the stairs. "I got something cool to show you...."  
Karkat's eyes went wide. He'd been at the end of pranks like these before, where John had something 'cool' that turned out to be something nasty that icked Karkat out and had him retreating to the safety of his own bedroom with the ages old war cry of 'NOPE FUCKING NOPE', which usually resulted in Gamzee having to drag him out kicking and screaming after three days of recuperative rom-coms and no food aside from Doritos and Dr Pepper.  
"Fuck off."  
"Aw, please? Karkat. This is not a prank. This is not a jape, and my prankster's gambit is firmly set aside at this moment in time! Hee!"  
Karkat eyed him warily, setting the laptop down and heading to the foot of the stairs.  
"Somehow, I don't really fucking believe you, after the custard and eggshells debacle of, oh wait, a fucking week ago. I would have thought that after Meenah handed your ass to you that it might have calmed down your ingrained sense of humour that is warped beyond anything I have ever known, but no! You still are trying to trick me into becoming the Amazing Vantas, Butt of All John's Fucking Idiotic Jokes!"  
John sniggered and Karkat glared.  
"What?" he growled eventually, slowly making his way up the stairs to stand next to John, who was almost helpless now with laughter.  
"You said butt," John managed, still giggling, and Karkat rolled his eyes.  
"Wow, you're so mature, Captain Fuckass. Let me get you a free pen to go with your Senior Citizen's certificate." He turned, intending to make his way back to the idiot free space of the sofa and the soothing acting of Will Smith.  
John grabbed his hand before he could walk back downstairs. "No, Karkat! You have to see this! It's going to blow your mind!" He dragged him into the bathroom, and moved to stand by the curtain over the bath.  
"Okay, three, two....one...." He pulled back the curtain. "Ta-da!"  
Karkat stumbled back and sat down abruptly, eyes wide. There was....a fucking merbaby in the bath. With little horns and gills and little earfins. A real merchild. An actual mermaid.  
Holy shit. That was a real....  
He was vaguely aware of John asking him something before everything went black.

Okay, so he hadn't exactly expected Karkat to faint.  
E'dan was looking over the side of the bath, little chubby kids' hands clutching the edge so he could stare at Karkat, and John dropped down on his knees to check Karkat was okay. E'dan sniffled and suddenly his little face crumpled, violet liquid gathering in the corners of his big eyes, and John panicked.  
"No, shhh, Danny! It's okay! Karkat's just sleeping!" He moved to hug the little merchild, who buried his face in John's shirt and let the boy pick him up. Picking up a cup on the edge of the bath, John filled it with water and gently splashed Karkat with it, hoping the trick would work.  
Karkat sputtered awake instantly, staring up in horror at the creature John was cradling like a kid. "A merchild. A merchild? You mean my dad really was telling the truth! Fuck, John! Do you even know any of the legends around here? That's going to grow up to be a dangerous psychopathic drowning creature!" He glared at his friend, who smiled his signature goofy grin.  
"Awwww, but Karkat, look! Look at him, he's adorable!" He tickled E'dan's cheeks and the kid giggled, earfins flapping.  
Well, fuck.  
It was cute. They were screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

E’dan was now sitting in Karkat’s lap, on a towel, and he was giving him cuddles as the angry boy looked over at John to glare at him whilst still cuddling him.  
“My dad told me he used to see this fucker of a merman always swimming around, and one day he tried to talk the stupid thing, which proceeded to grab him and try to drag him down under the water to the bottom of the sea, which it would have succeeded with had my dad not taken his keys and dragged it across the thing’s face – he hates violence, but it was literally life or death. The thing started bleeding horrible and purple, and let him go. The thing’s been seen again and again near here by the fishermen, although they only say so when they’re really fucking drunk – except for Meenah’s mom. She never says she saw it, but it follows her around like a puppy with a crush whenever she goes sailing. Still got two big scars across its face, and it hates my dad. Like, really properly hates.” He looked down as E’dan cooed again. “I always thought he just said it to keep Kankri and me from going off and fucking drowning, or some shit, but sadly it looks like he was actually serious about the whole ‘mermaids will eat you and leave your bones as warnings for any other sad sack that attempts to swim on the shore’ thing. But….okay, this one isn’t too bad.”  
John grinned. “You think he’s cute! Karkat, you think E’dan’s cute, don’t you?”   
Karkat spluttered. “Do not!” He looked down as E’dan’s eyes began to fill with tears, and swore very softly as little trails of purple once more began to trail down the merbaby’s cheeks. “No, no, okay, you’re very cute, stop fucking crying!” He hugged him close and the little thing cooed again, nuzzling his neck, and fluttering his little earfins at Karkat, whose expression was definitely softening. John grinned at him widely.  
“You so think he’s cute.” He wrapped another purple towel around E’dan, chuckling as the little creature wriggled happily, cooing at the colour. “But this merdude sounds kinda like Danny….Do you think it could be his dad?”  
Karkat shook his head. “No one who’d been got by humans would let their kid wander around like that, you know. And no dad would let his kid if they were this small go out all by themselves. He’s probably an orphan. I mean, do you think any parent would leave their baby on their own, John?”  
John blinked and then smiled. “I don’t know anyone’s parents who might – I mean, your mom would never.” Karkat’s mom, Katya, nicknamed Kitty, was very protective of her young ones, and once when Dave had pushed Karkat over when they were younger, Kitty had gone around to the Strider household, and even now Dave seemed very afraid of Kitty, and had told John that she had carefully told him what she would do to him if he picked on her baby, and that his Bro would let her, because he had been a bully.  
What would E’dan’s parents have done to protect him? John pondered this as he watched Karkat start playing pat-a-cake with E’dan. Well, he and Karkat could do it now, couldn’t they?  
====>  
In the ocean caves where the Amporas lived, not too far from the shore, Dualscar was flipping out completely while Cronus rolled his eyes. “I seriously go avway for ten minutes an’ you lose him, Dad? Your parentin’ skills astound me, they honestly do. I can see hovw I vwas raised so vwell into the astonishin’ specimen I am today, shark bites and all.” He rubbed at a ringed white scar on his arm, and pretended not to hear his father growling at him.  
“I did not lose Eridan! I set him dowwn on this rock – this rock right here! An’ I then attended to my hoard, as I alwways do! I kneww exactly wwhere I put him, he swwam away! It’s his fault!” The large merman scowled, the scars across his face twisting.   
Cronus let out a heavy sigh. “Dad, he don’t evwen knovw hovw to say his name proper yet, ya think he’s gonna think that you put him there for a reason? He probably vwent chasin’ seahorses again. C’mon, Pops, he’s just a baby, he ain’t evwen able to turn human yet like you an’ me.”  
Dualscar’s scowl dropped rapidly. “Wwhat….Cronus, wwhat if he wwent ashore – shit, wwhat if the little idiot got wwashed up-- “  
“Or vworse, found?” Cronus asked boredly, examining his fingernails. “I mean, vwhat if a science guy found him? Or that human that gavwe you the scars, the evwil one you say vwas huntin’ mermaids that time you vwent near shore? They might do anythin’ to poor little helpless baby Eridan, maybe dissect him…” He looked over, hearing a screech, and saw Dualscar circling around, tail thrashing in a panic.  
“Oh, cod, they’re gonna kill my baby!” he yelped, and a small school of fish turned around and swam away from his hissy fit. Cronus sighed heavily. For fucks’ sakes.  
“Calm dovwn, Pops. I’ll go ashore an’ take a look around. It’s okay, he’ll be in a fuckin’ rockpool, calm dovwn…” He rolled his eyes.   
“MY BABY!”  
“Fuck, Pops, calm dovwn, you’ll get yourself in a state!” Cronus began swimming upwards, rolling his eyes again. “I svwear, one a these days you’ll givwe yourself permanent stomach-ache vwith all this vworryin’ ovwer Small Fry.”  
A little while later, he surface near the rocks that were by the beach. Finally, another chance to go near the humans again – and this time, properly. He closed his eyes, feeling his horns retract and his tail split and change, and when he opened his eyes again he grinned, happy to find himself human once again, and in the same clothes - the leather jacket always looked particularly good, he felt. He straightened it out and began to walk towards all the rock pools.  
“Eri, you there? Short Stuff?” He peered in and tried not to panic as every pool he found appeared to be Eridan-free. He knew Eridan had to be somewhere around here, because he’d taken him swimming around this place once or twice, and the seahorses tended to flock to the plants underwater by the rocks to the left of the beach, where the pier was.  
But there was no sign of his younger brother anywhere here, aside from…He looked down, seeing a tiny handprint, smudged in the sand. There was no way to tell if it was Eridan’s or not, but…But it looked slightly webbed, and it was the best lead he had. A set of footprints led away from it and towards the town, the sight of them chilling his blood.  
Eridan had been taken by the humans.  
His baby brother had been taken by the humans, and he did not know what he was going to do to stop them, or how to rescue him – he didn’t even know where Eridan was. He sat down on a rock, staring off towards the sea. He could hardly head back now. Better to go into town and take a look around, see if anyone knew anything through observation….  
A hand tapped his shoulder gently, and he turned around swiftly, seeing a boy with soft, dark hair and eyes that seemed almost red in this light standing there.  
Fuck. He was kinda cute. Cronus blinked at him a few times, before the boy cleared his throat.  
“You looked distressed, and appear to be looking for something – I was wondering if, unless you mind and feel it might be detrimental to your health, you would allow me to offer my assistance, although I soon must retrieve my brother from his friend’s house.” The stranger blinked back, eyes widening for a minute, before coughing again. “If you wish me to, of course?”  
Cronus sighed in relief. Oh, thank goodness. Maybe he could find a place to stay this way. “I’m just….lookin’ around rock pools, chief…See, my dad kicked me out, an’ I got …to this tovwn. My lil’ brother likes rock pools, I vwas thinkin’ of him.”  
The boy fidgeted with the hem of his overly large red sweater, and bit at his lip. “I….Am sorry…Don’t you have a place where you might stay? There is the Prospit Painter, that has rooms available if you need them….”  
Cronus looked away, sighing. “I don’t exactly havwe much money, chief…Like I say, kicked out…” He smiled. “I mean, I got here, that took a bit a effort.” He watched as the other shuffled again.  
“If you don’t find it too presumptuous, could I offer you a place at my house to stay for at least a while? My siblings are rather noisy, but I do not wish you to have to rough it on the streets for a terrible misfortune that most clearly is not your fault, and my father could hardly refuse someone in such a position as yours.”  
Cronus smiled widely. “You mean it? Oh, that vwould be great, kitten!” He went as if to hug the other, but the boy stepped back, cheeks flushed and arms held up to keep Cronus from hugging him.   
“I would like to establish a ground rule – please do not, if you plan to inhabit the same dwelling as myself, touch me without my express permission.” He was bright red, which was kinda cute, and Cronus nodded.  
“Got it. Ask you before I hug you, an’ only vwhen you say yes. Gotcha.”  
A small smile passed across the boy’s face, and he held his hand out nervously. “My name is Kankri Vantas, and yours?”  
He shook Kankri’s hand with one of his signature wide grins. “Cronus Ampora, pleasure ta meet you, chief. So, vwhat novw?”  
Kankri hummed, sliding his hand away from Cronus’ shyly. “Well, I suppose it cannot harm to ask a little about you, but you may come along with me to pick my brother up from his friend John’s. He and Meenah Peixes had an argument - John, not Karkat –“  
“Meenah?!” Cronus spluttered, eyes wide. Kankri turned to him, confused.   
“You know Meenah?” he asked, uncertainty in his tone, and Cronus smiled nervously at him, shaking his head.  
“Nah, don’t knovw….anyone named Meenah, I just….heh…Nevwer heard that name before, a bit surprised!” he fibbed.  
Kankri huffed a little. “A lot of us have strange names, but there is no reason to be like that simply because you are unused to something. I believe it’s of Sanskrit origin, so I suppose her father must be of that descent, else her parents thought it must just be a lovely name. My name, for instance, is from one of the stars in the Cancer constellation, which is not how I myself might wish to be named—“  
Cronus blinked and then smiled at him, following Kankri as he walked up the beach. “Nah, that sounds like a real nice name, chief! I was named after an old hu—Greek Titan, I’d give anything to be named after a shining star…” He shook his head. “But I think Dad named me after an old boat he had…”  
Kankri looked back at him, a little flustered. “W-well, a mythology name sounds more interesting to me….And boats might be better than cold, dark stars…So, your brother?”   
The change of subject was obvious, and Cronus smiled slowly. So maybe this wasn’t a waste of time? He coughed. “His name’s Eridan, an’ he’s really little…Lovwes svwimmin’, an’ rock pools, mad for seahorses.”  
Kankri laughed slightly. “He sounds like a veritable water baby! Oh, but he does sound adorable….Karkat used to adore crabs, and unfortunately he used to try to share whenever we came to the beach as children. Sadly, I’m not very enamoured of them, so my father has videos of me screaming and running over the beach…” He chuckled again and Cronus grinned at the image of a kid in a large red sweater yelping and running over the sand. It made him remember something, although he couldn’t quite grasp what it was.  
“Alas, Karkat doesn’t want to share anything with me now, not even time…He finds me rather annoying, although he himself is only just fifteen, rather than…my age, so it is normal for him to dislike his elder brother…” He smiled sadly at the ground, and Cronus wanted very much to try and hug him again.  
“He’s probably just bein’ avwkvward, chief, he’ll vwarm up to ya soon enough.”   
Kankri seemed comforted, and he began to talk about something or other to do with a friend of his intent on smothering him, Cronus following behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Karkat sat watching as the baby mercreature gnawed on some fresh fish that John had found in the freezer, somewhat weirded out by the sight, even though the way the baby’s chubby cheeks moved up and down while he chewed was kind of adorable. All kinds of adorable.

“John?” he called, wincing as bits of fish landed on his lap. The other stuck his head around the door, a questioning look on his face.

“Yes?”

“Is it me, or are Danny’s teeth kind of really fucking sharp?” The little needles ripped through the side of the fish again, and tiny munching sounds were heard as John watched in some vague semblance of horror.

“Yes. Those teeth are sharp. Watch your language around _the baby,_ Beep Beep Meow.” John  walked forward with a washing up bowl that looked somewhat dusty. “Do you think he’d fit in here?”

“Not properly. And fuck you. You’re probably right about the language, but fuck you anyway.” Karkat petted the purple streak in E’dan’s hair, and the baby cooed up at him, offering him some fish in a sticky little hand. Karkat shook his head, and the lower lip trembled slightly before E’dan munched it himself. John giggled.

“You made a fwend!” he singsonged, and yelped, dodging the fishbone Karkat threw at him in response. “Um, so do you think that big fishtank in the garage would do? My dad doesn’t really go in my room, so we could put him in that rather than the bathroom?”

Karkat shrugged. “I can’t take him home, after all…Go on, get it out of the garage and we’ll wash it out for him.”

“I can wash it out in the yard.” John hurried down the stairs to the back door, and Karkat cuddled E’dan happily as soon as John couldn’t see him.

“Who’s the most adorable little fucker on the planet? Who’s the cutest what-the-fuck-ever-you-are?” He booped E’dan’s nose and the other giggled, patting Karkat’s cheeks with fishy hands. “That’s right, Danny, it’s you!”  he cooed to him, and E’dan tugged at his sweater.

“Kar!” he squealed, grabbing for his nose, and Karkat just about melted, hugging him close.

“I’m going to get John’s laptop, and I’m going to introduce you to the best damn films you will ever see, baby fish.” He put him on his hip and walked down the stairs carefully, grabbing the laptop from the sofa and holding that under the other arm as he headed back upstairs, and looking around for the DVD he knew he had left the last time that he’d been over at John’s. Mean Girls would be the perfect movie introduction for E’dan.

====>

Dualscar was nervously circling in the deep water, trying not to think of what might be happening to Eridan even as he waited. Hopefully Cronus would be alright, but at least Cronus could have fought off an attacker or kidnapper. Eridan, on the other hand, was a very young child, and very easy to win over. Dualscar himself had used that to his advantage if ever his son had been in a sulk with him. Something shiny would generally do the trick, after all. He was biting roughly at his nails when he caught sight of curling horns and a red tail flicking past. Oh, great. Now he had this bitch to deal with.

“It’s you, then.” He flicked his own tail to move himself languidly towards the other, who looked at him almost condescendingly before turning to face him, pigtails moving gently in the currents.

“I heard you have lost your youngest. You are careless as I once was.” She tilted her head. “You have not yet asked that woman for her help.”

He growled, wanting suddenly to rip into her stomach, the irrational anger causing him to snarl and bare his teeth. She did not even look his way slightly, only shrugging as she turned herself around, a school of fish settling around her.

“They told me. They told me you fear for him. Humans are not so cruel as you used to be, Orphaner. There are some with kind hearts. Some who are vilely cruel. You must hope for the best, and if all else fails, I shall ask my daughters to search for him.”

Dualscar snorted at her, in something that was somewhat like a mockery of a smile, extending the fin on his back and narrowing his eyes as each spine of it outstretched. “Your daughters? No one would trust anything to a hybrid like that. They hear the voices of those lost at sea, but they cannot swim well enough to go near you, even if they ever wanted to do so. Your eldest knows you and hates you.”

The Handmaid’s eyes widened very slightly and she flicked her tail to move closer to him with a little glare. “My daughters talk among themselves, and Damara is a law unto herself. At least my children have sense, more than your stupid full-blooded children could ever have.” She examined her nails. “My help to find your little brat is unneeded, then? You sent the other to look for his sibling? We all remember how well you liked your siblings. Cronus will abandon him on shore—“

“You know nothing of the Amporas. Cronus adores his brother, whereas your children hate each other so much that were they full-blooded instead of mongrel outcasts, they would attack each other and leave the waves foaming with blood and two corpses for the fish to eat. I know the sort of people who live in that wretched little town, and you have daughters there. The fact that your brood are living there is enough reason for me to want to retrieve my sons as soon as possible, rather than have them tainted by the likes of a servant’s brats.” He turned his back on her and growled as he felt a claw scratch him quickly and angrily, a small mist of purple dispersing in the water. She examined her finger almost as though she had not thought about what she had done, seemingly interested in the slight purple caught under her fingernail, before snarling at him with her teeth bared. Compared to his, they were blunt, but they could still draw blood. He moved away from her slightly, glaring at her.

“My line and I will forever be above the dog of a Queen, no matter what pedigree that dog thinks themselves. One who follows that mad bitch should just curl up in shame before his master kills him from boredom.” With that, she swam away, and Dualscar was left to nurse his wound. The fish followed after her – all but one, which he grabbed from the water.

He was hungry enough to deem it lunchtime.

====>

John grinned as he brought the tank upstairs, confident that E’dan would like this present. The little merdude would be kept in his room for the time being, but soon hopefully he could think of a way to explain this to his father without anything too bad happening.

Not yet, though. He could hear the sound of a girl talking, and frowned, wondering what film was being watched, and hearing a loud childish giggle he opened the door to his room to find Karkat sat, E’dan on his lap and…

Hell no! Was Karkat seriously playing Mean Girls to E’dan? That had to be corrupting him! No kid could willingly watch that! He stepped forward and Karkat looked around, scowling as usual, before noticing the tank.

“Oh, that should do it. Finally. Fill it up with water from the bath, he’s used to that already.” Karkat cuddled the baby again, and the child giggled, patting at Karkat’s nose and okay, that was very cute! John giggled to himself as he used a measuring jug that usually was kept in the bathroom for washing hair to fill up the tank, pushing the now heavy aquarium through to his room once he was done, and taking E’dan gently from Karkat to place him in the water again. E’dan blinked and then gripped the side of the tank to pull himself up a little and splash some water at John, who yelped as Karkat began to cackle, reaching over to high five the child.

“That is not cool, Karkat! Did you put him up to that?”

“Kar mean girl?” E’dan asked suddenly, chubby hands still gripping the top of the tank. Karkat stared before shaking his head.

“John’s a fucking Mean Girl, Danny, he fights with girls.” He crawled over to stare at E’dan’s sides, where gills were working, showing a rich purple colour as E’dan tried to turn and see what they were looking at in some confusion, earfins fluttering lightly.

“Woah, that’s pretty cool—Is that the doorbell?” John turned in some sort of panic, tripping over his feet and managing a glorious faceplant to the carpet. Karkat looked at him for a couple of seconds.

“I’m so glad you managed to commune with your inner clumsy ostrich, John. I really am glad you have reached an inner acceptance with yourself on this level of utter asinine stupidity,” he deadpanned.

“Zip it and get the doorbell, Beep Beep Meow.”                John pushed the tank into the corner with a bit of effort, E’dan giggling loudly. “Danny, shh, shhh!” Joh hissed gently. E’dan curled up at the bottom of the tank with wide and curious purple eyes, but pressed a finger to his own lips as John stuck his head around the door to listen.

“Karkat, I came by to pick you up—“

“Who the fuck is this? Why the hell did you come to pick me up? I’m fifteen, Kankri, not five!” Karkat seemed suddenly angry, but also confused, and John retreated into the bedroom to check on E’dan quickly, whose eyes were wide and puzzled, before he himself went down the stairs to see a strange boy in a leather jacket who looked like he was straight out of _Grease_ standing next to Karkat’s older brother. There was something about his smile that unnerved John, but Karkat was already picking up his jacket, grumbling, while Kankri shuffled his feet, looking down at the floor, before the boy patted his shoulder.

“I’m Cronus, kid, I’m stayin’ vwith you for a fevw days,” the boy told Karkat, confidently, and Karkat turned around to stare at Kankri, obviously in some form of shock.

“Is this your fucking _boyfriend?_ ” he asked incredulously and Kankri squeaked in surprise, blushing immediately and bringing his hands up to wave in a panic.

“Karkat! He….is a friend! He will just be staying a while until he gets back on his feet, I believe.” He turned to Cronus, apologising in a quieter voice, to which Cronus just winked at him, before Karkat shoved past both of them, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll pick the DVD up later, Egbert,” he called over his shoulder, and John nodded, somewhat dazed, before Kankri looked over to him, biting his lip and then simply rushing out, Cronus lingering for a minute before following him slowly, with a little sideways look at John. Almost knowing. He shivered once the door shut, and headed back upstairs to check on E’dan.

E’dan had pulled himself up to the edge of the tank, and John picked him up, wrapping him in a towel again and sitting the baby on his lap.

“Hey, little buddy, Karkat had to go home…You want to watch a _real_ movie?” He ruffled the damp hair, and E’dan made grabby hands at him.

“Cro.”

“What? Danny, buddy, I don’t—“

Cronus?

He turned slowly to the baby on his lap, who looked up at him, a little tearfully. “Cro?” he repeated, asking it, and then John pressed play on the paused _Mean Girls_ still on the laptop, which caught E’dan’s attention enough for him to turn around.

How the hell did this baby know Cronus? A shiver went through John. There was no way that a baby merchild could know a greaser wannabe who’d just turned up in town, no way. Only John and Karkat knew about E’dan.

He tried to actually watch the movie, gnawing on his lip in worry. His mind kept replaying the look Cronus had given him, the knowing, almost angry look. Cronus couldn’t know anything at all, there was nothing to give away the merchild at all.

But how, then, did this little creature know Cronus? He had to have just heard his name and repeated it. That had to be it.

====>

Cronus grinned to himself as the brothers in front of him argued, glad that he had a lead. There had been sand all over the boy’s  shoes that had been carelessly left by the door. He was sure they would match the footprints that he had found by Eridan’s prints on the beach. Whether Eridan was in that house or not, he did not know, but he’d not only chosen a very cute boy to stay with, but one whose brother appeared to be best friends with the boy who had to have seen Eridan. If any harm had come to him, he could make sure that John was never found again. He could make sure this whole town suffered.

He let his eyes flick over to Kankri, a soft smile taking the grin's place. Well, perhaps most of the town. Maybe not Kankri.


	4. Chapter 4

Meenah Peixes was a mystery, sometimes, to Aranea. She wouldn’t explain things to her, and kept on doing this thing where she would just look at her and smile softly, flustering her, or if Aranea asked what she meant (because Aranea needed to know, of course) Meenah would just laugh harshly, almost as though she couldn’t believe Aranea was asking it. And then Aranea would find herself sulking, because when Meenah laughed like that it made her feel like she was stupid, and if there was one thing Arenea Serket hated, one trait she had inherited from the mother she was otherwise nothing like, it was that she hated feeling like a fool. Even if she and her mother were very different, the Serket pride was practically legendary in this town.

She smoothed down her skirt again, book she was barely reading now beside her on the bench in the square that lay near the cliff overlooking the beach and the waves crashing against it softly as Meenah continued to taunt Damara Megido, who was by now shaking with rage that she could hardly disguise. Porrim Maryam – beautiful and probably bad to think about - was nearby, watching languidly and occasionally winking gently at Aranea, who found herself flushing each time. Porrim was, after all, rather pretty, and the wink was quite a beautiful thing within itself.

No one understood what the two girls were fighting about, because Meenah kept lowering her voice and whispering to Damara, which meant Damara would be close enough to scratch her nails towards Meenah’s cheek, but of course Meenah leapt back each time howling with laughter, tutting at Damara and wagging her finger at her like someone’s grandmother. Porrim rolled her eyes as it happened again, and stood up, causing both girls to look over to her and Aranea to look down at her lap, pretending to be focusing on a little chip in her nail polish as Porrim brushed her hair gently out of her face.

“Don’t get so worked up, Damara, she’s trying to get you that way. The least you could do is try not to let her.” Porrim beckoned and Damara snorted, muttering in Japanese under her breath, from which only ‘Peixes’ was audible. She walked over to sit beside Porrim and continued to mutter slowly, glaring daggers at Meenah.

Meenah threw herself on the bench next to Aranea, throwing an arm casually around the girl’s shoulders. “She’s glubbin’ lucky Porrim is here to keep her out of trou-bubble, ya know, Serket. I’d rip her to SHREDS!” She laughed and bared her teeth at Damara, who snarled, before making an obscene gesture. Meenah whistled lowly and grinned again.

“Changed my mind, she’s lucky the INSUFFERABLE isn’t here. Hah, I should ring him up, he’d get a kick out of lecturing her instead of whatever the glub it is he clams him-shell-f by doing when there’s no one to hashtag at.” Meenah chewed on her gum noisily and blew a bubble, before peering at the book. “What are you doin’ reading fairy scales, babe?”

Aranea blushed at the nickname. Stupid. “Oh, just some light reading for when we’re all here – plus, I wanted to read up on a few things…I feel I need to properly understand about mythology before my Dungeons and Dragons session with Vriska.”

“Hah! How’s her little lover buoy, then?” Meenah crowed, ignoring Aranea yet again. It would always happen like this. Meenah would ask her a question like she cared and then go one as before, as though it was something she had to do rather than something she was interested in. Aranea sighed. It felt as though Meenah wasn’t interested in her sometimes.

“I believe him to be alright. Why on earth did it bother you so much when he asked her to come watch a film, anyway?” She cursed inwardly at how sulky that sounded, and Meenah cackled again.

“Well, she’s too good for him, sea? Buoy needs to show her a bit of respect before he can go on with that!” She grinned. “She’s too awesome for that nerd!”

“I do see.” Aranea stood up, and looked back at Meenah. “I don’t see why I’m here if you wanted to rave on about my little sister. You should have asked her to freeze in the cold and wait for you to stop winding up Damara instead of asking someone you didn’t want to be here.” She picked up her book and marched away, trembling as she did so, while Meenah gaped behind her, before jumping to her feet.

“Yeah, maybe she wouldn’t be such a stuck up beach if I asked her!” she shouted, and Aranea froze slightly before continuing to walk, refusing to let herself turn around and look at Meenah. What had she been thinking? That Meenah Peixes would sugarcoat things for her? She sniffled and hurried on. It didn’t take a genius to see that she was well below Meenah on the social ladder. Meenah ruled the roost here, and Aranea wasn’t up to that.

Meenah was too cool to hang out properly with a nerd like Aranea.

An arm slipped through the crook of hers, and she looked up to see Porrim, Damara trailing sulkily behind and flipping off Meenah as she did so. Porrim looked down at her in some concern, and Aranea blushed deeply at that.

“Are you alright, my dear?” Porrim asked softly, and Aranea nodded.

“I’m okay. You can go sit back—“

“Oh please, I choose only company I prefer, after all. Dear, if you don’t mind my imposing, might I kidnap you back to my house for a lovely time of coffee and books? You can borrow any you like from Kanaya’s room, and I’m sure I have a pair of pajamas that will fit you somewhere…Your build is rather petite, you see, but if not I can lend you a shirt of mine.” Porrim smiled reassuringly, and Aranea was almost dizzy for a minute, before stuttering somewhat, speech eluding her for a moment.

“You want me to come over to your house? For the night?” she whispered, and Porrim nodded.

“I’d find it quite nice if you did, yes. You will have to put up with Damara tagging along, but I assure you once she warms up to you she’ll be rather harmless. She only tends to be harsh or _overly_ sexual for a few days at most if she’s willing to befriend you.”

“Yes,” Damara added, spitting to the side. “Peixes bitch needs kicking.”

Aranea looked at Damara in surprise, and smiled nervously, while Porrim wrapped an arm more firmly around her with a comforting smile. Aranea was sure that being able to feel your own blush was a sign most other people could see you blushing, and from the way Porrim was looking at her it would appear she was correct.

“Alright…I’ll come over to your house,” she said softly, looking down at her feet. Porrim smiled at her, kissing her cheek with an audible noise and most likely leaving black lipstick there. Aranea squeaked in surprise, and Damara began to giggle behind them. It was…a surprise to hear the girl laugh like that, and Aranea began to smile herself.

====>

Meulin grabbed Nepeta’s arm and giggled, signing quickly to her and tugging her over to the window.

“Slow down! Mew need to-“ She stopped, seeing Karkat, her brother, walking up the road and behind him Kankri, who was actually walking next to and smiling at a boy in a white t-shirt who looked like he had stepped out of the fifties. He was even holding his jacket over his shoulders as he chatted away to a beaming Kankri.

She could pretty much read Meulin’s signing now.

-MY SHIP! M-O-G, WHO THE HELL IS THAT? KANKRI NE-FUR SAID HE HAD A BOYFRIEND! LOOK, THEY’RE ADORABLE! LOOK AT MY BABIES!-

“That’s our brother, not your baby, but they’re pawfully cute together!” Nepeta sneaked a glance out of the window to watch Kankri trip and the boy catch him, talking to him and watching Kankri blush deeply.

-I CANNOT BELIEVE KANKRI DIDN’T TELL ME! LOOK AT THOSE CUTIE PIES! M-O-G, THE FICS I COULD WRITE…-

“They’re adorable!” Nepeta giggled, picking up her notebook where she kept all her ships. Kankri looked up at the window, and the girls squeaked and dived out of sight.

Kankri sighed as he brushed the dust from his sweater, looking at Cronus with an apologetic glance. “I’m afraid those are my sisters…They can be a little….what was the word…Imposing? They tend to get over-excited about certain things.”

Karkat scoffed, turning to Cronus with an exasperated look. “They’re rabid shippers is what the douchebag means. They’re probably drawing inappropriate fanart of you and Kankri right now.”

Kankri stuttered and flushed red, pulling his sweater of his nose, while Cronus stared and tried to think of any words to say, mouth opening and closing. Karkat snorted.

“Lose the goldfish look, or they’ll use it for reference,” he warned, causing Kankri to squeak and dive further into his sweater, obviously realising what was meant by that.

Cronus felt himself blushing as it clicked, but hurried along to catch up with the Vantas brothers as Karkat unlocked the door and Kankri began emerging like a startled tortoise from his sweater, and tugged Cronus’ sleeve to get him to follow him into the house, and he glanced across to see a woman typing away at a laptop on the sofa, long hair caught up in a giant ponytail with hair held away from her face by a headband with cat ears, lost in concentration.

“My mother,” Kankri whispered, and Cronus nodded, while looking around, trying to find the source of a noise that kept getting closer. Like thunder, but—

A green and blue blur tackled Karkat to the ground, causing a scream of terror from him, while Kankri hid behind Cronus with a little squawk. Karkat’s attacker stood up, and revealed themselves to be a girl who had to be under five foot, with a blue cat hat on her head complete with little ears, dressed aside from that in green and with dark hair sticking out from under the cap.

“Nepeta, I fucking told you not to do that!” Karkat groaned from the floor, and the girl chuckled to herself.

“Karkitty, I fucking told you not to swear at me like that!” she replied innocently, the curse word sounding wrong coming from her, and a giggle bubbling in her throat again, and another girl hugged her from behind, tumbling dark curls like the woman on the sofa falling about her shoulders and a pair of white cat ears amidst the cloud of hair.

“KARKITTY AND KANKITTY ARE HOOOOOME!” she shouted, and Cronus winced slightly at the volume, before Kankri peered around him, making a few gestures at the girl who giggled and covered her mouth. This girl looked to be older than the first, and maybe a little older than Kankri, and everything she did seemed loud and almost a little disjointed already. Karkat stood up, rubbing his elbow with a muttered ‘fuck’, which caused Nepeta to giggle as well, the other girl not reacting.

“I’d like to introduce you to a guest we should have here for a little while…This is my friend, Cronus,” Kankri announced, stepping out from behind him and turning to face him with a little grimace. “You know Karkat, of course, but these are my sisters, Meulin and Nepeta Vantas-Leijon. Nepeta is a year younger than Karkat, and Meulin is….well, my twin sister. She’s been deaf since she was thirteen, so her volume control is a little off nowadays.” Meulin giggled and rushed forward to clasp Cronus’ hand.

“MAKE HIS KOKORO GO DOKI DOKI!” she stage whispered and Cronus stared in confusion, Nepeta in fits of giggles again, and Kankri flushed red.

“Meulin!” He tugged on her sleeve, and she turned. He blushed as he looked her in the eye, but carried on. “That is hardly appropriate!”

“I DIDN’T MEAN IT TO BE!” she squealed, and wrapped her arms around Kankri, who squirmed and shied away as soon as she let him go, while Karkat grinned, heading towards the stairs.

Nepeta bounded over. “I wouldn’t have thought you would have minded with _this_ one, Kankitty! I mean, mew and him? It’s a purrfect ship!” She jumped up and down, and Meulin began to do the same, and Kankri retreated into his sweater, before the woman on the sofa stood up and walked over, pulling the ribbon off the ponytail, which fell down, confirming Cronus’ suspicions about Meulin taking after her mother.

“Girls, let Kankri and his new friend go upstairs. I’ve just finished the next chapter, if you want to beta for me?” She smiled and the girls squealed, rushing over to the laptop and squabbling slightly, while Kankri let out a sigh of relief and tugged Cronus up the stairs.

Cronus sighed in relief at the peace and quiet, and then blinked as Kankri tugged him into a room painted white, which was quite obviously the other boy’s.

“So, uh, thanks to your mom for the rescuin’, I’m guessin’?”

Kankri laughed, nodding. “She can be very good at distracting them when she needs her concentration. Especially when she’s writing.” He sat down and sighed. “I just wish she would tell them off for being so inappropriate, but that’s hardly likely…”

Cronus nodded, slipping his hands into his pockets. If he had been in his normal form, his earfins would have been fluttering and flushed from the embarrassment that the two girls had wrought on him. If there was one flaw of being a mercreature, it was being so easy to read. “So what does your mother write?”

Kankri blushed deeply again and sat down on his bed, looking at his feet. “Well, she….writes for popular products, you see…” He coughed, and Cronus tried to remember what he knew of this.

“She’s a journalist?” he tried, and Kankri shook his head, bringing his sleeves up to cover his face in embarrassment.

“She writes explicit fanfiction for any pairing she likes. Y-You -  have you read Harry Potter?”

Cronus nodded, remembering the summers in which every child on the beach was obsessed. Even he had been, given that those books had – or some of them had – been left on the beach. He’d read them in the sheltered cave where he had later kept his clothes, and until his father told him it was garbage, he had thought of applying to Hogwarts and replacing the Giant Squid as the lake’s main attraction.

“Well, hers is the most read Draco and Harry slash fiction. And the most…well, how to put this…”

“Your mom vwrites the kinkiest Harry Potter fanfiction?” Cronus asked slowly, and Kankri nodded quickly, blushing in a way that just made him (in Cronus’ very biased opinion) look even cuter than he usually did.

“It’s rather embarrassing, I do believe it’s why my sisters are how they are. Our bedtime stories would be half normal and half sweet pairing fanfiction, the sort that goes on for chapter after chapter.” Kankri sighed. “A beta is someone who goes through and makes sure there are no mistakes in a chapter, and Nepeta and Meulin are more than happy to do so. Nepeta’s spelling and vocabulary are improving, however, and I guess I cannot complain in that respect. It saves me or her friend Equius tutoring her.”

Cronus grinned. “Your mom vwrites kinky slash fiction.”

“Yes. Are you going to drop this any time soon?”

“Not a chance, chief.”


	5. Chapter 5

Rose was sat knitting as she waited for Dave to slope into the kitchen. It was early, and aside from Dirk, Rose was the only early riser in the Strider-Lalonde house. Dirk would stay in his room most days, anyway. He had projects to work on, he had told them all. But then, Rose did as well. Hers were somewhat less…metallic, or technical. More personal.  
Like most teenagers, Rose was involved in a group chat. And it had blown up last night after Feferi had told everyone that Meenah had smashed a blue glass vase that their mother was supremely fond of the minute that she had stormed in. Meenah had told her to shut her stupid mouth, and Feferi and she had gotten into a small spat before Damara gleefully spilled the beans. Apparently Aranea and she had had a falling out, which led to Porrim saying that Meenah should stop being such a big baby over something she’d caused. Meenah had then called Porrim some very bad names indeed, but then Kankri’s absence had been noted, because he hadn’t flooded the chat with a big speech. Then Nepeta had mentioned that Kankri had come home with a boy, and they were watching a video together on the sofa.  
Rose had been expecting the falling out between Aranea and Meenah for some time, but the bombshell that Nepeta had dropped was very much unexpected. Honestly, she should have seen it coming, what with Kankri’s defensiveness over his sexuality whenever Porrim brought it up. However, something didn’t add up. Maybe, she mused, as she continued purling, they were not together yet? That was her assumption, when she thought on it. She would privately message Nepeta about it later, and hope that her thoughts on the matter were not shared with Meulin, who sometimes did not understand the need for secrecy on these things. Nepeta swore down there was a strange energy between them, like their own brand of chemistry, which had cheered up Feferi enormously. Sollux had simply bitterly said that Nepeta saw something with everyone. So whatever the hell was up with him, he also needed looking in on.  
Aradia had also been quite enthusiastic, and she and Feferi actually seemed to be getting on, which Meenah had seemingly turned her nose up at. Her own differences with Damara, Aradia’s older sister, had gotten out of hand before, and Rose thought that they soon would again. They scrapped occasionally, but when it was out of hand, shit well and truly went down. Last time Meenah had called her a ‘mongrel fish’ and then ended up with a broken arm. Damara went nuts around Meenah, and it was becoming more and more of a problem as time went by.  
She did want to talk over John and Meenah’s falling out with Dave. John was putting energy into impressing Vriska, whether he realised it or not, and that had not ended well for Tavros, who was still a nervous wreck around the younger Serket. Vriska needed someone who could handle her, who she wanted to go with. If she was pursued, Vriska had a bad habit of simply letting them become embroiled with her. They would then be toyed with, and broken, slightly. Vriska wasn’t nice with her toys.  
To be rather honest, Rose thought Vriska was trying too hard to do bad things. Which pointed to her trying to get the attention of a certain person, but Rose would keep her own counsel on that. You never won a game of cards if your hand was on display for all to see.  
Dave stumbled into the kitchen, blinking at his favourite cereal already being on the table, a carton of milk next to it, and he took his shades off to narrow his eyes at Rose.  
“Okay, what’s going down here?”  
“Oh, thank you, Rose, for finding my cereal that I was going on about for the past three days. That was very kind of you, Rose.” She continued to follow the pattern she knew off by heart, brow furrowed slightly. Dave sat opposite her, pouring the cereal into the bowl.  
“I’m callin’ bullshit because you were the one who stole it. What is going on with you, Seer? Why must you torture me like this?”  
Good. He’d recognised the depth of the situation, if he was calling her by that name. From their childhood games where Rose would be a Seer, draped in their mother’s old yellow curtains, giving prophetic errands to the Knight (Dave in a Superman cape). Later on, as they had become interested in (ironic, of course) Dungeons and Dragons, those were the codenames of their characters. They were codenames now for Rose’s plots or when they needed to tread carefully.  
“Well, Knight, I don’t know if you have seen our dearest braided friend’s working on John’s face. It’s apparently spectacular according to the photos he has sent our private chat.” This was a smaller chat, composed of John’s cousin Jade, Dave and Rose, who had been best friends since they were children and their parents had brought them over to each other’s houses.  
“I saw. I want to know your point.” Dave munched, before frowning. “Wait. That was it, wasn’t it. When has John ever shown his injuries? He’s as fussy about his manliness as he is about what cakes he eats.” Dave pinched the bridge of his nose. “Goddamnit, Rose. I would have noticed that if Dirk weren’t trying to steal my alarm clock for science.”  
Rose allowed him a smile. “Ah, and there we go. John’s certainly hiding something, but I hope that he has not been captured by Vriska’s blue-lipsticked charm. It just would be painful to watch. And painful for John.” She drummed her fingers on the table after putting her knitting down. “And you know, don’t you, that she’ll agree and string him along on a sticky little web like she always does. Remember? Kanaya? Tavros?” Kanaya and Vriska had dated when they were about twelve or thirteen, and Vriska had asked Kanaya to make her a dress for a school dance. She’d then gone with Tavros, and broken Kanaya’s little pre-teen heart.  
“Spiderbitch will chew him up and spit him out, Rose.” Dave said it somewhat mournfully, eyes darting to the stairs. He knew the stories as well as Rose did. Rose had been agonising for two years after that on whether or not to ask Kanaya out. She had, of course, done so in the end, but it had been fun for Dave to watch his cool and collected twin sister turn to eldritch jelly around Kanaya.  
“That’s one of my points, Dave. We’ll endeavour to keep them apart, but if I had to guess anything that might happen, I might guess that Vriska and Meenah may get together for all the wrong reasons. You will, of course, not tell Terezi my suspicions. What happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen. Be on hand for her raging. They really will be bad together if I am right.” She might be, but they would soon break up.  
“TZ will go nuts.” Dave munched away, seemingly unperturbed. “So we need to find out what John’s hiding, right?”  
“You understand the orders, then. Carry them out. Spidery bitches are not the only ones who can weave webs.” Rose pushed a bottle of apple juice towards him, and he nodded, donning his shades before frowning and looking back at her, seemingly confused.  
“What are you making this time?” he asked, and Rose shrugged softly.  
“A scarf, probably. Why?”  
“Looks like you’ve got fishes all over it. Jesus, the two girls I know best and both of them have weird psychic shit going on.” Dave stomped upstairs, and Rose looked in confusion at the fish she had knitted into the scarf. A thin gold streak went up either side.  
“Fish?” she queried softly. She’d been expecting a spider, or perhaps blue and green wool knitted in as she picked them at random.  
But fish? Surely that could not be correct. Maybe she had better message Jade as well as Nepeta. Kanaya had messaged her as usual last night, saying she could hear crying from her sister’s room. Aranea’s situation had been playing on her mind. She examined the scarf and blinked at the bright violet. She had been very sure she was going to make it the light violet colour she had so much of after Roxy had bought up the entire stock of it from the wool shop a few Christmases ago.  
Violet. It was definitely violet. She closed her eyes, and hummed softly as she continued to knit. And people thought that Ouija boards were the tool to find fate. Honestly. Letting yourself be calm was the best way to think on things. And she’d had a few surprises in her time, although the warning about poor, sweet, Jaspers she had not understood at the time.  
She began to sigh as she continued the pattern. Maybe she could give it to that new boy. He might appreciate the gift, and she might then be able to talk to Nepeta in person.  
====>  
E’dan had woken up early, it seemed, because the first thing that John could see was a grumpy expression on his little face, and that the area around his tank was all wet like he had been splashing around in it. He quickly grabbed a towel to mop it up.  
“Buddy, what’s wrong?” he asked, and E’dan curled up at the bottom of the big tank, bubbles floating to the top as his mouth moved. He seemed to be muttering and grumbling, and John laughed softly.  
“Do you want breakfast?” he asked, and E’dan dived up, his eyes wide as he clapped his hands. John put a finger to his lips as he snuck downstairs, only to find one of his father’s notes sat on the table.  
SON,  
SEEING AS FISH HAS DISAPPEARED FROM THE FRIDGE I WOULD ASSUME YOU ARE HIDING A CAT UPSTAIRS. I HAVE LEFT SALMON TO DEFROST ON THE SIDE. TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEW PET. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.  
DAD.  
He blinked at the note and then sighed out. His stoic father could not be fooled too much, but if he left fish on the side that had to be good. He’d go down to the fishing sheds later, and ask for some fish. Or maybe get some smoked kipper if he was lucky. E’dan would be happy with the salmon for the minute, hopefully.  
He carried the plate of salmon up carefully, avoiding a cream pie placed near the table onto the floor and walking back up to his room, hearing splashing coming from his room. E’dan, when he walked in, was gripping the sides of his tank and his eyes were wide, nose twitching slightly and earfins flared out, eyes shining.  
“Do you like salmon, then? Huh?” He lowered the plate and E’dan splashed his tail again, water splashing onto the carpet. Well, that was most likely a yes. He let the other grab the fish off the plated, looking away as E’dan’s sharp little teeth savaged the raw lump of fish.  
His dad might want to see this supposed cat in about a week or two. Most likely a week. He’d have to formulate a good explanation, such as perhaps Karkat wanting to eat fish when he came around to check on John. Or maybe he’d been wanting to use it for a prank but had enjoyed the salmon. It was most likely that he would have to get Karkat to come and watch E’dan while John himself went and got some fish from the fisherman.  
Lately, the price of fish had been going up slightly. Something like a dolphin pod had been going through the nets and eating the fish. Or…he looked at E’dan slowly. The rate the merchild was eating fish made him think that perhaps he wasn’t so far away from here when he was home.  
John hummed to himself as the soft munching sounds continued. Well, he couldn’t very well leave E’dan on his own. He was kind of a child, after all. Well, a baby, really.  
“Kar!” E’dan announced suddenly through a mouthful of fish, and John looked at him, blinking.  
“Sorry, buddy, I don’t know if Karkat can come visiting today. Do you want to watch Mean Girls?” He went for his laptop, but E’dan went underwater, bubbles coming up as he flared his earfins in and out slowly, before surfacing and raising his tail slowly.  
“Kar, John! Kar!” He gripped the top of the tank with his little chubby hands and John frowned at him before biting his lip and looking out of the window. A little way away, he could see Karkat coming up the path to his house with a plastic carrier bag, walking at a fast and angry pace.  
Had E’dan heard Karkat all that way away? He turned to E’dan with confusion in his brain. Wow. Maybe it was something to do with vibrations? Probably his cute little earfin flaring was a way of hearing things underwater?  
He wondered what a scientist would make of the cute little merchild, before shuddering. Oh, no. He could very much imagine what the scientists of this world would do to a strange creature that had come out of the ocean. Dissection, most likely. He reached across to hold E’dan’s hand. He’d never let anyone hurt him, not like that. E’dan giggled and reached for John’s other hand, a wide joyful smile. He wasn’t even scared by all this strangeness, but then…kids his age were quite accepting, weren’t they? They believed whole heartedly in everything. Why should E’dan be any different?  
His thoughts drifted back to Cronus. How did E’dan know him? He squinted for a minute at E’dan, and something seemed to click inside his mind. What was it? What exactly linked the two? He’d have to think on it later, figure out what was tugging at his thoughts. He’d be careful around Cronus in the future, though.  
He kissed E’dan’s forehead, telling him to be quiet as someone knocked at the door, and wandered downstairs. When he opened the door, Karkat was practically grinding his teeth as he held a bag of fish towards John.  
“This is for Danny. Look, can you let me in? I’ve been living in a thirteen year old’s fanfiction ever since last night. I am the younger brother of the protagonist. It is me. I’ve seen too many rom coms to be able to stand being there.” He stormed past him. “Other people, other people get smart relatives! I don’t! My big brother is Kankri! They were having a movie marathon within a few hot hours of knowing each other. It’s like some sort of glamour got cast on him yesterday when he was out, and he just happened to bring home this dude. I’ve met all Kankri’s friends. I have never ever in my fucking sad life met that greaser. And he’s staying with us. Or, more accurately, in Kankri’s room. And my sisters are watching their every move, and the tension there is so damn clear it could be a crystal formed entirely from the pure ore that is Kankri’s maiden heart and the heat of the look Cronus keeps giving his ass!” Karkat paused to draw breath, and John burst into laughter.  
How had he needed to worry about Cronus? E’dan had probably heard his name from downstairs and parroted it. Cronus was so totally Kankri’s secret crush or boyfriend or something!  
“There is no way they have not met, Beep Beep Meow. Your brother doesn’t make friends that easily! He’s kind of…an idiot.”  
Karkat threw his hands up. “Oh, yes, idiots are so very rare around these parts! I bet you haven’t even checked the group chat, just that shitty thing you and Strider and the girls are in. Shit went fucking down last night, and I didn’t even have Kanaya to gossip with because of that self-same shit. I messaged you, you know. Didn’t fucking reply!”  
“Hey, now, I kind of had an adorable fish child to deal with. Speaking of, my dad decided I am hiding a cat upstairs.” He tugged Karkat forward to the stairs, hurrying up them when he heard the squeaking noises that were probably E’dan.  
Karkat immediately relaxed, picking up the merchild in one of the wet towels and wrapping that in a dry one as he hugged the little one close to himself, sitting down on John’s bed. E’dan grabbed Karkat’s nose in a fond way and then relaxed into cuddling against him.  
“You’d be a great mom, Karkat.”  
“Do yourself a favour and shut the livid blaring fuck up so as not to invite my wrath to rain down on you like so many a Biblical plague.” Karkat stroked E’dan’s hair carefully. “You want to hear what went down?”  
“Yeah. Tell me everything.” John pulled his beanbag over from the corner as Karkat held E’dan’s hands and cooed at him, before looking up.  
“Okay, so Meenah and Aranea had a big fight yesterday while Meenah did her whole Damara baiting thing. Aranea was taken away by Porrim and Damara to stay at Maryam’s house, and then on the chat Feferi said Meenah was breaking all the blue shit in the house, like full scale tantrum?”  
John stared. “No shit?”  
“No shit. Anyway, Damara is doing her sneering thing at Meenah, and then Meenah when Porrim tries to tell her it was her own fault starts calling Porrim a whore, town bicycle, you name it. Anything like that. And then shit continues going down until someone realised Kankri hadn’t flooded the chat. He was too busy snuggling his not-boyfriend.”  
John pouted. “And I missed out! My eye is feeling better, you know.”  
“It looks horrific, you nerd. I bet Danny’s scarred for life – oh, shit. I probably should have covered his ears.”  
John looked at the merchild, who was mucking around with Karkat’s sleeve cuff, nibbling at it. “I don’t think he was listening, Karkat.”  
“Yeah. Okay. If he calls anyone a whore, that’s on you, okay?”  
====>  
Dirk paused, hearing a bleep in his calculations. He’d set his AR program to calculating some program he needed to input into Lil’ Sebastian to make sure he was balanced properly. He checked up on it, and blinked.  
In the midst of all his calculations, a little purple question mark had popped up. Goddamnit.  
His sister swore she wasn’t a psychic, over and over again. Between Roxy and Rose, his machines were a nervous wreck, and when Jade visited, not to mention Aradia, they would almost tremble. Whenever Rose was scheming, these little marks would pop up in his programming. He’d have to pause the code until he could go through and remove the marks. He’d left them in last time, and Sebastian had begun to hum in Rose’s voice. Due to his desire to have a total of zero creepy horror movie shit going on, he’d never left them in since.  
Rose always said she was not a psychic, as did Roxy. Roxy was more…static. Like every code she went near bent to her will. Like she was pulling it out of nowhere. He’d long since hardened his mind to the fact that his sisters were that itty bit weird.  
Rose was creepy anyhow. She would plot things, and almost see things before they happened. She was quite snarky, and she had so many Cthulhu mythos things that Dirk had stopped referring to her room as anything other than Rl’yeh. Even if it wasn’t the correct pronunciation, it did tug a smile from Rose’s lips.  
If only she’d stop fucking ruining his calculating things. But then, what else were very creepy little siblings for? He sighed as he ruffled his hair. It was a good reminder to keep an eye on her, after all, and it meant something was kicking off. All he could hope was that he didn’t get caught up with it.


	6. Chapter 6

Rose wrapped one of her favourite scarfs around her to protect from the unexpected chill that had settled in the afternoon. Jade was sorting something on one of these online pet sites that she was so very fond of, so Rose had decided to make a present of the scarf to the new boy currently staying the Vantas-Leijon household earlier than planned.

She sighed as she wandered along. Worrying about the Vriska situation did not for a calm mind make. If only Vriska Serket was not a magnificent bitch then everything in Rose’s life might have been easier. Kanaya might not be so self-conscious about whether or not she ‘deserved’ Rose. And now Aranea had been hurt by her, as well. While Aranea was generally a peaceable girl, Rose knew she could be as bad as her sister if pushed to it. She’d seen a flash or two of spite from the girl before, and to truly have all her aces up her sleeve she had to make sure they were not going to blow up in her face.

At least this one might not be so much of a surprise. She might not be able to keep the reins on everything if he was indeed too much to handle, but she doubted anything too bad could be going on with him. At most, he and Kankri would end up together with two point five children and a dog. No, Cronus could not be too much of a worry. Porrim, however, did cause her some concern, especially given her involvement.

What most people did not realise was that Porrim was not as above everything as she acted. They thought that because they thought she was cool, that she was.

Yet Porrim was susceptible to the same things as everyone else – and crushes she was especially susceptible to. Damara was a friend of hers, Rose knew that much, but she would place her bets on Porrim having a crush on Aranea as the main cause. It wasn’t exactly a pleasant situation, given that Aranea clearly wished for more attention from Meenah, and everyone could see clearly where that would lead, surely. Karkat had confided in Rose that he would place his bets on Meenah having a horrible realisation once Aranea got fed up of her constant shit, and indeed it had gone down as they predicted. You really did not know what you had until it was gone, and if Porrim took advantage of the situation then everything might be unfixable.

It wasn’t that Porrim was a nasty person. It was that if you saw yourself as the better option than your rival in love, you might be willing to do anything. If your rival made your beloved cry, you would of course think yourself the better option. Rose had herself forced herself to wait until timing was right, until Kanaya was no longer hurting. You had to pace things, but the temptation to give in was immense, and Porrim might not be able to resist.

She rapped on the door when she reached it, feet a little sore from the walk given that she’d only been able to grab her high heels from the door as Dave had gone off with her pink trainers again. It was, thankfully, Kankri who opened the door, with an oddly nice smile.

“Ah, Miss Lalonde. How may I help you?”

Despite popular opinion, Kankri did actually have more true friends than just Porrim. For instance, he and Rose got on very well, and had actually been dubbed by Dave ‘The League of Wordy Snooty Assholes’, a moniker that Rose adored and Kankri would protest. She smiled.

“You may help me by allowing me in out of the cold. It would appear that fog might be coming across this evening, although it is not scheduled on the weather. Feferi has assured me that she knows her stuff, though.”

He stepped aside to allow her in, and sat on the sofa where usually only Kankri’s mother sat was a tall boy in a leather jacket who looked not unlike Danny Zuko from Grease, although his hair was slicked back rather than in that puffed up style, watching some sort of documentary about the ocean. How adorable. She walked over to him with the bag under her arm.

“Cronus, I believe it was? Nepeta has told me all about you, as has Meulin. I’ve got a present for you.”

Kankri blinked at her, confused, before nodding. “I see. You had one of your all night knitting sessions?” It wasn’t uncommon for Rose to do so, much like some might stay up all night playing video games – sometimes she would knit for the hell of it, but mostly it would be a prediction of sorts, an itch to have threads and needles in her hands, and sleeping through it never worked. Mostly the night sessions were a binge of knitting for the hell of it.

“No, I had a craving for knitting the moment I woke up. I’ve been up since six working on this one.” She watched as Cronus unwrapped it, blinking at the fishes and looking sharply up at her, and at the violet.

“Uh….thanks?” he said slowly. Perhaps he was not used to gifts.

“It’s warm, never fear.” She smiled widely at him and he wrapped the scarf slowly around his neck, Kankri wandering over to blink at it, placing a hand on Cronus’ shoulder as he leant close enough to examine it.

“That’s a very beautiful piece, Rose.” He smiled, and she curtsied, grinning, while Cronus narrowed his eyes at her, slightly suspiciously. Hm. Maybe the pattern did mean something to him? Well, while more complications were hardly welcome, his reaction intrigued her. Besides, in a strange way, the pattern looked right on him. She sat herself down at the kitchen table.

“Might I ask if I could invite myself for dinner? It’s Dave’s turn to cook, and while I am fond of Mac ‘n’ Cheese, I do prefer it when it is not burnt as though it had been thrust deep into the bowels of Hell.” She sighed, knowing full well that it wasn’t Dave’s turn to cook at all. Nepeta might figure it out, but Kankri had not yet figured out that people might lie for their own nefarious purposes. It was as a stupid man once said.

_When humans want something, we lie._

It might be that Cronus was lying, as well. Everyone aside from Kankri tended to lie, surely. Kankri was now smiling at her.

“I would love to invite you. My mother is cooking tonight, so it’s—“

“Vats of spaghetti, I do know. I understand from Kanaya that your mother has been uploading more big updates than usual, so I would like to talk to her, with you present. She wants to write down everything she thinks of. We may even need to take her laptop away again.”

Yes, Rose tended to micromanage everyone. However, with Kankri’s mother, she had a need to keep things calm, to please and appease the many fans of slash across the internet. The trouble with churning out so many chapters across her many accounts and on her many fanfictions was that she would immediately get reviews telling her that the fans wanted more, that they loved it, and would therefore immediately start the next chapter, trying to keep up the pace and trying to keep to a tighter and tighter schedule, during which she would hardly interact. It was a vicious cycle, and one Rose had stepped in to help manage after three chapters had gone up in one day and Nepeta had rung her in a panic, saying that her mother was doing nothing except staring at her laptop and typing.

“It’s like her religion,” Kanaya had said quietly. “If she were bad at it, or just okay, she might not be in so much high demand. But the way she writes Lestat is heartbreakingly good.”

Kankri sighed. “I know. I’ve been trying to get her to put a time limit, but she so clearly loves it, and it’s hard to be the voice of reason when…when you always are. Father doesn’t see any harm in the beginning of the cycle, and they both believe it when she says she isn’t going to have it happen again. But it always happens like this, as well you know.”

Cronus looked up. “How can vwritin’ be stressful?” he asked slowly, and Rose felt her eyes roll, ignoring the glare she got from Cronus in return. Kankri cleared his throat.

“I am not sure which metaphor would be entirely appropriate, but…I believe you enjoy music, correct?”

“Yeah, I do.” Cronus shrugged. “And?”

“So imagine you’re at a concert. You are the star of the show, and you’ve done a really long performance, and you’re looking forward to it ending. And then one of the fans asks for one more song, and after that, you are asked again for one more song, and then again after that, they keep asking until you have been awake longer than any person should be. And that is with limited numbers. The internet can be any number of people with access to technology, and even one request could make you feel guilty if you didn’t oblige. My mother loves the community that write fanfiction. She adores every one of her readers and replies to every review. She’s immensely popular, as I explained before, and one of the reasons that Nepeta and Meulin get involved is that they can help us handle the situation. They enjoy helping her. But every so often, Rose will come help us.” Kankri sighed. “My mother may be a lot of things, a lot of good things, but…She sees this as the way to avoid stress. It’s simply stress in disguise. Besides, some teenager in Massachusetts has been saying they don’t like the way that she writes a certain pairing and reviewing the new chapters badly, so she’s desperate to improve.”

Cronus was blinking in horror. “I hawve newver been so glad to not be popular.” He stood up, and Rose frowned suddenly as the scent of sea salt wafted slightly about the room. How very odd. She let her eyes flick over him again, quickly. He was tall enough, certainly, and his pale skin made her tilt her head for a minute.

====>

Cronus shivered as Rose walked through to the kitchen with Kankri, going through the cupboards from the sound of it.

That little blonde was creepy.

Once, when he’d been younger and infinitely more stupid, he’d gone to visit one of his father’s acquaintances based purely on the fact that she was apparently really hot. The gaze had been almost exactly the same; the feeling that those eyes could, when they narrowed in that particular way, see through you, see everything you were thinking with infinite sharpness, a particular kind of intelligence that was so clearly a threat.

Thankfully, while the Handmaid had been aware that her gaze was almost like a death sentence, Rose was not. Which meant that, unfortunately, she was curious about Cronus.

And then there was the scarf in _almost_ exactly his blood colour, with the fish. If Rose did know what he was, he was certain she wouldn’t look so curious about him. That left the only possibility.

He was in the presence of a Seer.

His father had told him about them. In the olden times, they were referred to as Oracles, and knew what shit was going down. Omens would happen around them, and certain bloodlines held more potency for the gift. One by one, the Oracles had seemed to vanish, and indeed to disappear entirely, until the Seers had travelled to each royal palace. They would tell whether or not a human voyage would be attacked by Mers, and the Empress had referred to them as ‘worse than mutants’, her campaign on hold because of their accuracy. Then that age had passed, and nowadays, scepticism prevented the greater deal of Seers from being believed.

And latent, the power could be more accurate than ever. He’d bet her medium was wool. Something from a living being whose mind was naturally clear of anything like rational thought, coupled with something ancient? A sure way to read fate. Some witches would use the scales of dead fish and coral to try and predict the future, he knew. They would place the scales within a flat surface, scatter rocks, and leave it to grow like a woven tapestry of fate, and discern the future. His father had called it a waste of time, but here, the humans had made a way to speed up the process, it seemed. A fast way for Rose Lalonde to tell the future. He shivered. And the gold line….it could be him, but he would place his money on the Empress’ hand somewhere.

His dam had never been kind. She’d decided to live amongst the humans, to try destroying them from the inside. She had, upon this decision, decreed that her suitor who survived a fight to the death would be married to her for the length of his natural lifespan, and his father had indeed survived, fighting tooth and nail to be at the Empress’ side, until that part of the sea had been a rainbow of the mixed hues – for who among her suitors would not willingly fight? She’d laughed to see it, according to his old nursemaid, and Cronus and his sister had been born as twins, as though the moon, that goddess who controlled the tides of their sea, had smiled upon the alliance. She’d needed a husband so that she was not pursued by the men of the human world, but also needed someone to bear her eggs. His sister had been her miniature, and they cordially hated each other. Of course, his sister was taken to the human’s world, and her vicious nature thrived there, in that place of contempt. His younger sister was born three years later, and she was as gentle as the foam that kissed the shore. He’d adored her, playing with her in the surf when they met, when she was a mere three years old, and she’d giggled, running and then swimming, as his twin sat on the shore and huffed, jangling gold jewellery freshly bought from the human world and playing with pennies rather than going near her brother, who she called ‘Slimy’. His dam did not look at him, looking only at his twin, and Cronus hadn’t cared, for the smile of his younger sister, for that one day, had been worth more than his dam’s millionaire’s salary could have ever gotten him.

And then Eridan had been born, and not been left to the human world, but given to Dualscar to raise. The mighty Empress had no use for a male heir, otherwise Cronus would not have been swimming around as happily as he had been. He’d been lonely, until Eridan was born. He’d doted on his sibling in his way, keeping him away from the colder waters where his baby’s skin would not have been able to stand it, taking him to see the seahorses he adored, teaching him about the deep they lived in.

Of course his life still had to involve Meenah, after all these years of being compared to his father, of only having his father, of all refusing to befriend the Prince considered not good enough to be taken on shore. They were, after all, twins.


	7. Chapter 7

Meenah slammed another glass plate to the ground. Probably it was expensive, maybe even one of a kind, but she didn’t care. All that she cared about was smashing things and making sure that everything went as it should. You throw a plate; it smashes. It doesn’t do anything like bounce or something that it shouldn’t or just—

She scrubbed angrily at her eyes, and picked up another. Stupid, stupid Aranea Serket. And fuck Porrim Maryam for immediately swooping in on her like some sort of shark the minute Aranea got all prissy with her.

The image of Porrim’s lips pressed to Aranea’s cheek wouldn’t leave her mind no matter how hard she tried to erase it, to laugh it off. It stuck there, and every time, she grew angry. It wasn’t her fault Aranea had got so sniffy! So what if she was paying attention to Vriska’s love life? Hell, it wasn’t like a small town like this had much drama beyond their social circle to pay attention to. But…

In all the books that Aranea gushed about, Meenah had found one thing. When the supernatural protagonist found someone they wanted, who they liked, even loved, they got that person. That person fell in love with them, and she’d been so fucking sure that Aranea liked her back. The girl constantly blushed around her, and she’d had plans. Plans to ask her out.

She was the daughter of an empress, and she’d fallen for Aranea. She could have anyone she pleased, and do what she pleased, and she’d gone for mousy little Aranea Serket, who wore little Peter Pan dresses and flat shoes, who was nothing like her family, and who wasn’t at all cool. She was the daughter of the ruler of the merfolk, and she’d gone and fallen for a human who couldn’t even fight anyone, who…

She sniffled, unable to help it. Good thing that Feferi was upstairs, and couldn’t see it. If she had, Meenah might actually punch her, beloved baby sister or not. She still couldn’t believe that Feferi had ratted her out like that to all their friends, and to Damara and Porrim in particular. The three of them were enemies, yes, with a particular reason for the animosity between Damara and Meenah, but there was a tentative friendship between Porrim and Meenah, before the bitch had kissed Aranea. She’d probably seduced Aranea behind Meenah’s back or something like that. Bitch.

Whatever friendship had been there was certainly gone forever. And whatever romance might have bloomed between her and Aranea was certainly as fucked, if not more. If Aranea was going to be so stupid over Meenah punching John, then she probably was too possessive.

Vriska had been messaging her, but she found herself for once not in the mood for bitching about people with Vriska. She’d found she didn’t trust Vriska not to copy and paste the chat or whatever. And that she didn’t want to talk to her. She’d seen enough to see that Vriska found the whole situation funny, and smashing plates was better than talking to her.

She walked out of the room with the crockery left in sharp bits all over the floor, stomping up the stairs to her room and out onto the balcony, leaning on the little wall to look out over the sea. She wondered how her brothers and father were doing, out there in its depths. Eridan was about two, she guessed, but she was glad that she didn’t have to deal with that whining brat of a twin of hers anymore. His ignoring her had been at the start a welcome change, but had slowly grated on her nerves more than any amount of whining could have done. She loved Feferi, and disliked her brothers, which she supposed she shouldn’t do, but the brats were so needy. She was glad when her mother had entrusted Eridan to her father (who she also disliked immensely). Her mother’s attention had been all on him, and so had Feferi’s. What had it been about Eridan that drew their attention so much? The only one of them who hadn’t seen a baby before was Feferi, and she was thirteen when their mother had had Eridan.

Sometimes, she’d seen the flash of a purple tail a little while away, and gone further inside the house. She hadn’t liked Eridan. Just a slippery thing that whined and screamed and needed feeding all the time and didn’t sleep. Feferi had burbled at the time about helping out and being the best big sister she could, and Meenah had wanted to roll her eyes. But her mother would have been upset with her, so she had refrained.

People always expected her to care so much about those close to her, and then when she did, they acted like Aranea. Some reward that was for giving a shit about anyone. With Feferi, half the time she wanted to smack her. She casually disliked her friends mostly as well, but…

She sniffed again, and watched the waves roll.

====>

Cronus shivered as Rose passed him. He was still wearing the scarf, being too scared to take it off, and slowly eating the spaghetti, praying he didn’t get any of the ricotta sauce onto the scarf. Meanwhile, Rose and Mrs Vantas-Leijon were discussing something in pleasant tones that from the look in their eyes might scar him for life.

And Karkat was sat next to him, glaring between him and Kankri.

Family meals were an alien concept to Cronus. If you were hungry, you ate, and killed enough fish to bring back to Eridan, and made sure he didn’t swallow a bone. That was just about it. Eating as a family was this wide and horrifying thing, because you couldn’t run away from any questions.

And boy, had Nepeta (and Meulin, via Nepeta) been asking a lot of questions of Mrs Vantas-Leijon and Rose that made his ears burn. He’d notice a look of despair in Kankri’s eyes, and Karkat rolling his eyes, while Mr Vantas-Leijon (who was pretty much a suited and older version of his sons with a lot more of the lean muscle that seemed to be an all-around trait) tried ineffectively to calm things down. Rose wasn’t helping at all, but just keeping up her discussions with Mrs Vantas-Leijon.

This family dynamic was something that had him thinking. What would it be like with his? He could imagine Feferi liking it, but he hadn’t exactly seen her or Meenah since Eridan was born. He couldn’t imagine them changing all that much, even so. Feferi with her colourful plastic tat all in her hair and on her wrists, Meenah with as much gold in her ears as she could manage and with those long, long braids. Perfect for strangling her with.

Perhaps thoughts like that weren’t exactly ‘family-friendly’. He’d have to avoid meeting Meenah if he could. She’d be sure to make snide remarks about it being his fault. Something within her was broken enough that she didn’t care about anyone except their mother and Feferi. Family dinners probably lost something if your sister tried to murder you with….a fork. Yeah. That’s what this weird little trident for food was called.

His gaze flickered back to Mr Vantas-Leijon. Really, truly, he wished that the guy didn’t make him nervous, but he did. As if Rose’s calculating gaze wasn’t enough, this guy was looking right at him, and all of his father’s tales of the evil humans who hunted merfolk with harpoons and hacksaws were resurfacing in his mind with surprising vividness.

He was probably just being dumb.

He munched away, and then looked at Kankri. It was kind of obvious that the weird conversations going on were stressing him out, but he seemed to be dealing with it, so Cronus let his mind stray back to the picture of a family dinner. Eridan might enjoy it, he guessed. His father would sit up straight and try to impress his mother.

His dam was seriously not someone he could picture doing anything like that. Maybe she’d just laugh at him with Meenah.

He sighed dejectedly, and the conversation halted, all eyes suddenly on him, before Mr Vantas-Leijon cleared his throat.

“Cronus, are you alright?” he asked, worriedly. The others were all looking at him. Even Rose. It kind of…choked him up, to be honest. His own father wasn’t exactly, well, attentive. If anything was seriously wrong, then yeah, he would have sorted it, but…

“Yeah, I vwas just thinking of my family. See, vwe don’t hawve meals like this. It’d be vweird if vwe did. You all get along so vwell it kind of made me think vwhat it might be like, and I don’t think vwe’d get along anyvwhere near as vwell as you do.”

Nepeta smiled at him, and Meulin did as well, Kankri blinking wide and Mr Vantas-Leijon blinking before smiling warmly.

“It’s nice for you to say that, Cronus. We don’t always get along, and you’ll probably hear an argument or two or a billion during your stay with us, but we do love each other, even if Karkat and Kankri are too similar to get along all the time. We wouldn’t jabber away like this if you weren’t completely and utterly welcome.”

Nepeta nodded. “And just so you know, if anyone hurts mew, just yowl to me about it, and I can get my best friend to break their legs!”

“Nepeta!” Her father turned to her. “I’m sure Equius should be described in better terms than just a convenient leg-breaker!”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Jesus, have you seen Equius, Dad?”

“No blaspheming!” His father looked angrily at him, and Karkat raised an eyebrow.

“Jesus _fuck._ ”

“Are you trying to put the entirety of your college fund into the swear jar, young man? You’ll be sorry if it ends up that way.”

“I’m not going to college yet. You seem to be confusing me with Kankri.”

Kankri straightened up. “Karkat, that is highly rude! I can’t believe you would accuse Father of doing such a thing when I don’t even swear!”

“So you’re just mad because you don’t swear, huh? Go ahead, say shit.”

“I wouldn’t even if you stopped stirring it!”

Cronus’ eyes flicked between the two of them, before Mr Vantas-Leijon stood up.

“Karkat, a dollar fifty in the swear jar. Now. If you hurry back, I might not let Nepeta eat your food.”

“Bullshit!”

“Two dollars fifty.” He grinned sheepishly at Cronus, who felt almost like laughing while Karkat stomped off, before turning to Nepeta.

“Nepeta, I just…” He looked her right in the eyes. “I need you to knovw I appreciate the offer, but I can break any legs I need to. Don’t vworry, doll.”

She laughed, like it was a joke, and he did too, realising quickly that it probably was best to act like it hadn’t. He swore he could feel Rose’s icy little eyes boring into his face, and Karkat flung himself back into his chair.

“I was gonna use that for ice cream tomorrow, Dad.”

“And if you hadn’t sworn, you could have. It’s a long lesson, but I have hope you’ll eventually be able to stop swearing or fund me for life.” His father turned to Mrs Vantas-Leijon. “Honey, may I just say that this is the best spaghetti I have ever had?”

“You may. Have as much as you want. I need to hurry back soon to –“ Her eyes flicked to Rose and she took a deep breath. “Well, I thought we could go out tonight, Silas. Didn’t you say there was a showing of a film nearby that you love?”

His eyes softened, and Cronus felt a sort of longing at the sight. Envy, perhaps, as they made plans to leave the kids in charge and take a night to themselves, their children urging them on to go out and have a nice night, promising to ‘wash up’.

 

Within seconds of their parents leaving, Cronus was put on drying up duty as Kankri and Rose washed out the large pans and poured away the water each time, Nepeta standing by and telling Cronus where each item went. Between them, they got the washing up done quite quickly.

“Ah, it’s rather dark…I’m sure Dirk will be along to get me shortly, but if not, could I take refuge on your sofa?”

“Best not.” Nepeta made a face. “You can come sleep on the floor in our room, but if you sleep on the sofa you’ll have to deal with our parents when they come back in from their date.”

Kankri nodded in grave agreement, before looking troubled. “What are Meulin and Karkat up to?”

“Karkitty’s talking to John, and Meulin’s watching anime in the den because Kurloz has to go have supper. She’s also wanting to go on a spree, but Mom says she’s not allowed to buy anything else this month, so I’ve got her purse.”

Kankri smiled fondly at his younger sister, and then reached up to the cupboard and giving her a little packet of something that had some sort of cute animal plastered all over it. Rose grinned softly.

“How very Pavlovian of you, Kankri. I’m sure your father doesn’t know you’ve conditioned your sister to think that ratting out her siblings is a good thing.”

“And I’m sure if he knew we all bribe Nepeta outrageously, he’d be horrified on the outside, which is why we don’t get caught. Besides, if we bribe Nepeta, we can keep good track of each other, and then at least make sure that nothing happens again like Karkat breaking his arm. If we’d only bribed Nepeta, she might have told us that Karkat told her not to say anything about his going down to town and in particular to the skate park, where he was dared to jump off the wall. Think of it as more precaution than bribery. Besides, Meulin makes me stay in for the delivery when she orders things, which infringes on my time.”

Nepeta simply munched away, while Cronus looked down at her.

“Hovw much do you knovw about things that don’t inwvolwve your family, kid?”

“Depends. You got anything for me?”

“I’ll ovwe ya.”

“Go into town with me tomorrow, and carry my shopping? I want to see if my comic arrived at the store.” She gave him an almost sly look, and he nodded.

“Hmm, then…I can tell you that Meenah’s upset because she and Aranea weren’t together but they still broke up, and that Terezi’s thinking on asking Dave out, and that there’s a girl called Porrim who’ll rip out your spleen if you efur try to hurt Kankri in any way, and that Rose is dating Porrim’s younger sister Kanaya. Dave is Rose’s brother, as is Dirk, and Roxy is her sister. Terezi has a big sister called Latula, and I can tell you that Mituna is her boyfriend. His dad runs the comic book store, and he has a brother who’s mine and Karkitty’s friend called Pawllux—Sollux.”

“Man, does ewveryone around here hawve strange names?” Cronus asked, slowly. So Meenah had been…interested in a human? That couldn’t have pleased his mother any, but maybe she saw it as getting her claws into the human society or something. And Meenah…was upset, huh.

He kind of didn’t know what to do with the information.

Nepeta blinked at him for a minute or two, before smiling to herself. Something among that had been useful or interesting to him, and seeing as he didn’t really know anyone, it must have been the bit about Porrim. It seemed that he really was interested in Kankri, no matter how much the two of them had protested it today and yesterday.

=====>

EB: he’s fine! don’t worry!

CG: BEING IN YOUR CARE IN MY DICTIONARY IS FAR FROM FINE.

EB: wow, you’re annoyed this evening, what happened?

CG: MY DAD IS STILL PERSISTING WITH THAT ANNOYING SWEAR JAR, AND NEPETA ISN’T GETTING FINED BECAUSE MOM’S NOT RATTING HER OUT AND IT ISN’T FAIR

CG: PLUS KANKRI’S NOT-BOYFRIEND PULLED THIS COMPLETE WOE IS ME THING AT DINNER AND HE MAY EVEN HAVE MEANT IT

CG: APPARENTLY HIS FAMILY ISN’T REALLY INTO BEING A FAMILY AND IT WAS NICE TO BE AROUND OUR LITTLE CIRCUS OF HORRORS.

CG: HE’S HELPING WITH THE DRYING UP.

EB: just pay nepeta to swear if that’s what’s bothering you?

CG: …IT WOULD STILL THEN BE MY MONEY, DUMBASS. I MIGHT AS WELL GET THE ENJOYMENT OF SWEARING MYSELF FROM THE EXPENDETURE.

EB: oh yeah! :B

CG: HOW’S DANNY?

EB: you keep asking me that

EB: you are such a mother hen

EB: but for the record he’s fine, and i think he’ll be alright if we want to give him a bath

EB: he’s been acting a little mopey because you went home but i just looked up how to deal with tantrums

EB: although he kept closing his eyes all today it was really weird

CG: MAYBE HE’S JUST WISHING YOU WEREN’T THERE

EB: wow pms much

CG: SORRY.

EB:…an apology?

CG: FUCK YOU.

EB: see, this is why people get confused around you, karkat

EB: you are a confusing person

CG: NO I MEAN, I’M SORRY FOR SNAPPING AT YOU BUT TAKE MY DAMN APOLOGY AND LET ME BITCH.

CG: ARE WE EVEN REMOTELY QUALIFIED TO CARE FOR A BABY CREATURE? WE’RE FIFTEEN.

EB: well it’s only going to be awkward if we have to send him to mermaid preschool and he explains he has three daddies

CG: AND ONCE AGAIN, JOHN EGBERT ENDUCES THE DESIRE WITHIN ME TO SMACK HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD.

EB: wow, desire is such a strong word karkat

EB: shouldn’t you take me to dinner first

-carcinoGenetecist is now an idle chum!-

EB: karkat?

EB: oh geez i’m sorry

EB: don’t be mad


End file.
